my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
