By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
