I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
