Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
