does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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