Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
