Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
