Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
