I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
