when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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