you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
