You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
