the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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