That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
