Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The adults are the big ones right?
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