the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Randomize
