You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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