You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
