The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This is my gift to your gina
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
