Umm I'm too high to move.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
