Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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