that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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