it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
