last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
