WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
