First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize