Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
