I just made out with a guy for $7.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
