I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
