i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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