I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
