Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I still have a little drunk in my system
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
