I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
