I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
