Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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