sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
