Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
