Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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