I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize