wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
