Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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