your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
