I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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