hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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