My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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