sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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