I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
