its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
