I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
