Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Randomize
