Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
