I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
