ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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