I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Oh god it's open bar.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
