someone get that fucking seahorse.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
