He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Say something about gay babies.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
