Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
