I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
