then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
