The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
