found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just want to make out with him forever
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
