so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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