I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My hand turned me down
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
