lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
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