I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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