My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
