i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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