whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
