I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
