k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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